Conflict – One of Life’s Essential Ingredients

What exactly are you doing?

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I am writing a drug-induced blog post.  What does it look like I am doing?

Drugs? (gasp)

All street legal I assure you.  Got a muscle relaxer and an antihistamine. At some point in the next few minutes I expect to be unconscious, but just before that happens I thought it might be fun to see…  thud….. zzzzzzzzzzzzz

So, this is it.

Yup.

I am on the other side of sleep and still typing away madly.  Kinda boring really.

Well, this is your brain… maybe if you fell asleep in someone else’s brain it would be more interesting.

Yeah, I mean I expected more pink elephants, or maybe a flying, fire-breathing Newt Gingrich head or something.

Your brain needs some help in the post-conscious deco department.

Truly.

Maybe I just need to introduce some conflict.  Conflict is what progresses things, yes?

Conflict is shallow.  Why must everything revolve around it like some attention-starved black hole?

Black holes are not starving for anything. Their appetite is just insatiable, that’s all.

I didn’t pop these pills and fall asleep writing so I could debate the finer points between insatiability and starvation.

But it is generating some healthy conflict!

Conflict is shallow, I say!

Is it possible to write a good story without conflict?

It must be?

Really?

Really.

Prove it.

Fine, I will.

OK.

Yes,

Wuuuuuutcha dooooin?

Thinking.

Bout wuuuuuuuut?

How to write an engaging conflictless story.

And?

So far, I have two furry bears that walk around and….and ask each other to solve math problems.

Problems?

Yes, like 5 times 4.

Conflict!

It is NOT!

It way is…that’s why they call them math PROBLEMS!!

Fine then! The bears walk around and point out SHAPES to each other! Hahaha!

Bear: Look a triangle.

Bear 2: I see a trapezoid.

Bear: Ovals!!

Bear 2: Cones.

Bear: This shape game is boring.

Bear 2: Why?

Bear: Because there is no conflict

Bear 2: Let’s go hunt a fish

Bear: Yeah!!

Fish: NOOOOO!!

And the story gets interesting!

Shut up!  Shut up! No…no fishing…Just admit it, without conflict, there’s nothing at stake.  No stakes, no interest. Even the people who wrote the bible knew that.

But it has been a couple thousand years since then, can’t we come up with something better now? Something more advanced?

More advanced than the bible?

No – more advanced than conflict-driven story lines.

Nope.

C’monnnnnnnnn.

I’m serious.

OK – in this story, there are 2 inventors discussing their inventions…

Inventor: I just completed my lemonade squeezer!

Inventor 2: Congrats.  I am putting the final widget into my car repairing droid.  There we go!

Inventor: Guess I should take it for a spin!

Inventor 2: Yeah, me too.  Talk to you later.

[later]

Inventor: So how did it go?

Inventor 2: Well, my droid repaired 3 cars.  You?

Inventor: The lemon squeezer did great… that is until…

Inventor 2: Until what?

Inventor: It started squeezing people’s brains!!

Darn it all!!!

Blessed conflict.

It’s everywhere… well, it’s everywhere there’s anything INTERESTING anyway…apparently… moth balls…

Conflict is healthy – get used to it.

So in order to make my legally-drug-induced writing better, I still have to have conflict.

What’s that?

Don’t gloat!

No, seriously, what is that??

That is a giant dream-eating carp.

AHHHHHGHGHGHGHGHGHG!!!!

<chomp>

The End

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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