You are so gullible. I can’t believe you’d think I’d get a therapist from Craig’s List. Then again, it’s not really a bad idea. And that was a bit short for a chapter. More like a section. No matter, society has been dumbed down to accept entertainment in very small doses, so that might as well have been a chapter by today’s standards. And in another paragraph or two, I can label this a novel.
“I’m having problems sleeping.”
This is a very real problem. Trust me.
“What keeps you up?”
“I think a lot. And I am in a lot of pain. And I am lonely. And I like to be creative.”
“You have a lot on your mind. I could prescribe you something to help you with that.”
“Can you prescribe me something to help me cope with you always prescribing me something?”
“Haha. You have such a peppy sense of humor.”
Holy shit. I love writing my own story – I can make hot therapists laugh at my unyielding wit. This is the bestest!
“I know. I AM clever! I really don’t want another pill in my cabinet. The pharmaceutical companies have really marketed themselves effectively, and all that, but I would rather just talk things through, if that is OK with you.”
“Well, I think you are stupid to turn down some good drugs from a company that I own stock in, but it is your choice.”
“You’re not a real therapist, are you?”
“You asked me that already. No, I am not a real therapist. Real therapists go to school and study many disciplines. They earn credentials, and then synthesize their own methodologies, over time, based on a combination of continuous learning, cogitation, experimentation and an occasional coin toss. Me, I am just here acting the role of a therapist…like most things in Hollywood, your audience extends a willing suspension of disbelief that allows me to pretend to be a therapist for the purpose of progressing your story. Is your story progressing?”
“Well, I have to admit, the term ‘progession’ is a bit subjective, but yes, I think there is a cold and impersonal progression occurring that lacks character development and remains cavalier towards life in general. Is that a good progression?”
“Not really. If people don’t feel anything when they read your crap, then it is all just mental masturbation.”
“Did you have to go there? Why must everything lead to masturbation with you?”
“Because I am a therapist. Everything stems from a sexual dysfunction. Why are you laughing? I am completely serious.”
“What makes you so sure it is a dysfunction? Maybe it’s just the way it IS. Maybe everything we do is SUPPOSED to stem from some aspect of getting laid. Thousands of years can’t be wrong, right?”
Oh this is better than I thought… talking with a hot pseudo-therapist about sex, and I have the winning argument. Glad I am not debating myself, though; I’d have some choice comebacks towards a blanket statement like that! Does the story get any better? I hope so, this is only “chapter” 101.