“Welcome back, Mr.Patient.”
“OK, I get it. I need a name. Why don’t you just call me Ted?”
“I can do that. But the paperwork requires your last name…”
“I’m having you deported. You’ve been living in a delusional fantasy with an expired delusional fantasy visa.”
“So wait. You are going to deport me from here to there? But I am there right now, typing this!”
Sure enough there I was. I don’t know if I was watching me type, or watching me stand there watching me type. At least one of me was wearing pants. I suddenly felt a bit awkward.
“This isn’t going to work,” we both said in unison.
“Haha. Good one!” we both said again pointing at each other.
I always knew that 2 of me would be annoying. I was right. And so was I. Enough then, let’s get this party started the right way.
“Ted Smith. You can call me Ted. Pleasure to meet you, Dr. Thegan.”
She held out her hand – it was thin. Almost frail and decidedly clinical. But, luckily she knew how to shake hands correctly. A nice firm shake striking the balance so as not to say,”My hand is really made of jellyfish! Hee hee,” while also not saying,”I am Gunther of Sprechttenfarggen! I CRUSH YOU WITH MY LOVING HANDSHAKE OF DEATH!!”
“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” I said.
“Have a seat.”
“Ooh, I get the comfy chair.”
“Yes. Yes you do. So, what brings you to my practice?”
“I am not exactly sure. It just seemed like the right thing to do. People are willing to go get a “physical” now and again. I guess I wanted to go get a “mental” for a change.”
“Well, is there anything in particular you want to discuss? Anxiety? Stress? A specific topic?”
“Yes, yes, yes, and add loneliness. Oh, and fragmentation. I feel very fragmented.”
“I see. All of this, as you’ve suggested, is quite normal.”
“So I am cured? You are fast!”
“Ha-ha. We can take a couple roads to discover and deal with each of the conditions you’ve described – you could take a test. They’ve loaded me up with all kinds of surveys and academic exercises that end in charts and graphs that explain potential solutions. We could use an interviewing methodology – I’ve learned quite a few of those. Or, of course, I could always just prescribe a pill that attempts to fix you via better chemistry.”
“What do you recommend?”
“Well, I’d recommend a real therapist, but that said, I think there’s no substitute for good old-fashioned communication.”
“I’ll take you up on it.”
“Want to start with fragmentation?”
“What do you mean when you say fragmented?”
“Oh, 3:30 AM already?”